An Open Letter to My Future Husband…I’m Not Waiting for You

An Open Letter to My Future Husband…I’m Not Waiting for You

by Kaitlin Ebeling

Dear Future Husband, 

I’ve read secular articles and christian’s blogs, and at one point or another, they begin to sound the same when it comes to the whole future husband realm, something like: “Dear Future Husband, I’m waiting for you.”
But I’m not waiting for you.

Waiting implies that my life is, to some extent or another, on hold. It’s not.
In less than 48 hours I will graduate college. It’s thrilling and exciting and terrifying and nerve-wracking all at the same time. In the south especially, it’s said that college is where girls get their Mrs. degree; it’s where they meet Mr. Right or their future husband or whatever your preferred term may be. And that is true for a lot of people; I have at least nine friends who are recently married or engaged and that all happened during college. Yet clearly that’s not the case for me. But I didn’t stick around college waiting for you. Generally, college is supposed to last four years, sometimes longer. For me, it lasted three. Sure, I could have waited around an extra year, picked up another major, studied abroad, or learned another language, but after some prayer and consideration, I didn’t.
I’m not waiting for you.

I’ve heard of girls having bucket lists of things they want to do and places they want to see with their future spouses; that’s not me. For now, I’ve been to Ethiopia and the Dominican Republic, and with the Lord permitting, I’ll be back in the DR in three weeks and in Northeast Africa come fall. For the eight months left of this year, I’ll be in America for about two of them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited for you to see different places with me. Honestly, it would definitely be easier if you were here now. In the country I’m going to in Africa, the things I’m able to do and the freedom I will have is limited because I’m a single woman. Several humanitarian aid workers there have died in the last year. Sure, I’m nervous…dare I even say scared? It would be easier to be married already, to have you with me. I’m sure it would comfort my parents. But alas, that’s not the case. I’m not putting that part of my life on hold until God brings us together.
I’m not waiting for you.

I love kayaking and canoeing and enoing and everything outdoors. Kayaking tends to be more fun with  at least two people. Canoes are built for two people. I have a two person eno. But,
I’m not waiting for you.
Ive taken a class on sea kayaking. I’ve watched the sun rise from a kayak surrounded on all sides by the ocean. I’ve gone kayaking with friends and family. I’ve learned to paddle a canoe by myself. The other week I half dragged, half threw my dog into a canoe and went out with him. Sometimes I eno with friends. Sometimes I eno with my dog. Sometimes I eno with a book. Sometimes I eno by myself. I hope you love outdoorsy things; if you don’t already, I hope you fall in love with it as I show you how marvelous and incredible spending time in God’s creation always is. I have spots that I want to show you and I hope one day we can curl up in an eno or explore a river together. But I’m not waiting until you get here to start doing those things.

I’ve started a business. Don’t tell anyone, but I have no clue what I’m doing. It’s one big learning process. There’s been successes and failures. God always provides. One day I hope you can be apart of it. Whether that means being co-CEO (is that a thing?), chief marketer (I’m really bad at that) or number one listening buddy when things going extremely well or horribly wrong, I hope you can play a part in it. But I’m not waiting for you to get here first. It’s up and running and making money (how much is an entirely different subject).

I’ve heard countless, well-intentioned girls say something along the lines of: I’m trying to practice self-control (or generosity, or patience or sexual purity etc) so that I’ll be the wife my husband deserves.
Or some variation of the above.

I’m not doing that either. Yes, I am practicing self-control and generosity and sexual purity, but, dare I say, not necessarily for you? Don’t get me wrong, I hope I can be godly wife material whenever you come along. But, at the end of the day, you’re not my end goal. Jesus is.

Regardless of whether or not I ever get married, I want to be patient. If I’m a wife next year, next decade or never, I want to be generous. I want to fall in love with and enjoy the Lord’s creation in a way that glorifies Him. I want to go to the ends of the earth with the Good News, Hope, and Love that is Jesus Christ. I want my business to empower and help impoverished and marginalized women; I want it to show them what God’s love looks like in their workplace, and I want it to show the fashion industry what glorifying Jesus looks like through business and apparel.

So with that in mind, I’m not doing anything for you. And I’m not waiting to do anything for you.
What I do I do for the Lord (Colossians 3:23). So when He calls me abroad, or to graduate college a year earlier or to start a business, or whatever else my future holds, I’ll do it, with or without you.
Whether it’s enjoying God’s creation through hiking or kayaking, or serving His people through volunteering or missions or college, and all of the other fun, exciting and spontaneous adventures this life holds, my goal is to do it for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31), not for you.

I think the church has done a poor job of idolizing marriage. We talk about it all. of. the. time. Whether it’s singleness or marriage or dating or courtship or love or relationships, we are constantly talking about it. It’s as if marriage, or the lack there of, has become a main focus in our lives.

Yes, it is beautiful. Yes, I hope I am one day married. But it is not my life’s purpose and it is not the reason God put me here. I think of Isaiah 56:4-5,

For thus says the Lord: to the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast to my covenant, I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.”

Here, in this passage alone, do we see God’s promise to provide things far better than any marriage can. Our marriage will not be eternal, nor ultimate. Jesus, however, will be and already is.
And it’s with that in mind that I write this.

Future husband, our life together will be filled with God-honoring and Kingdom furthering adventures. But for me, those have already begun. I pray you can say the same.

With love,

refers to herself as

I’m a thrift store aficionado, braker for birds, social entrepreneur, fighter for ethical clothing, travel junkie, people lover and daughter of the King constantly seeking God-honoring and Kingdom-furthering adventures while pursuing a quiet and soft heart.

Join me in dreaming eternity centered dreams and venturing out on wild seas, may we both know and experience the love, grace and hope of Christ.

Kaitlin has a wonderful blog page

She is also the founder and owner of Wonderfully Made, whos vision is to sell ethically made, affordable clothing handmade by women in unreached people groups